While I had selfishly wanted to keep the addition
to my story for myself, having shared before, after reading an article of the
closure of an abortion clinic in Frederiction NB (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/morgentaler-abortion-clinic-in-fredericton-to-close-1.2604535)
I decided it was crucial for woman to share knowledge of alternative means to
less traumatic abortions. With slut shaming, victim blaming creating guilt
attached to the procedure our support networks are quick to be non-existent and
we cannot reach out for help when we need it the most. We
need “abortion on demand and without apology”. Women have controlled our own bodies and
choices until recently in human history by using plants to help control
fertility, regulate our menstruation and terminate unwanted pregnancies. This knowledge is now hardly accessible, seen
as dangerous or just the stuff coming from those quacks. When the majority of us are without this
traditional knowledge we have ask for a procedure controlled by men and face
the very real possibility that the answer could be no, as women in New
Brunswick are experiencing. We are left
disempowered, without options and our human rights debated over. Women die from childbirth. We get maimed from childbirth. Our lives and bodies are altered and at risk
with every pregnancy. Abortion has and will continue to save women’s lives.
I
have had three abortions. The first was mechanical and the last two have been
both herbal. For all of them I had those mixed
feelings of glee and grief - a war within my mind when I started feeling the
tell-tale signs of pregnancy. It came
with the constant nausea triggered by the heightened smell and sudden aversions
to food I had normally enjoyed. I could
sense the budding life inside of my womb and I was looking forward to what was
to come, coupled with nervousness and hesitation. I had known I was pregnant by feeling the
implantation take place: it was sharp, intrusive and beautiful. The last
abortion was the hardest and for weeks I struggled with what would be the right
thing to do; while it was heartbreaking, like everywoman facing this decision,
I made the right choice for me and my situation.
Herbs
that shed the lining of a uterus wall are called: “abortifacients,
[which] had been in use, as a matter of common knowledge, since ancient times,
and was certainly well known in the 16th and 17th centuries, for instance, the
scurrilous lines in Middleton’s play, A game of chess, act 1; sc.2:
To gather fruit, find nothing but the
savin-tree,
Too frequent in nuns’ orchards, and there planted
By all conjecture, to destroy fruit rather.” http://medicinalplants.us/abortion
Too frequent in nuns’ orchards, and there planted
By all conjecture, to destroy fruit rather.” http://medicinalplants.us/abortion
For my first herbal termination I had chosen a
combination of:
Ginger – “one of the
strongest and fastest acting of the emmenagogues.” Susan Weed, Childbearing
Year, pg 7.)
Black
Cohosh Root
– is known as a helper herb and will soften the cervix to release the contents
of a uterus.
Mugwort – “Mugwort has an
affinity for the female reproductive system and is used as a uterine stimulant
that can bring on delayed menstruation and help restore a woman's
natural monthly cycle.” (http://www.anniesremedy.com/chart.php?prop_ID=96)
Sweet
Flag
– abortifacient
Blue
Cohash
- has two properties that encourage the uterus to contract. One creates an
oxytocin effect, which happens during pregnancy when a woman is about to go
into labour, and caulosaponin which triggers uterine contractions.
I
really had to overdose on the herbs in order to make sure that they were
effective. I am approx. 135 pounds with a strong build so I had to up the
dosage to affect my body weight. It is recommended to make tinctures
out of these herbs or strong infusions. I decided it would be easiest for me to
put them into capsules. This in itself was quite the process - I had
to grind up all the herbs, which were hard roots, into a fine enough powder and
then put them into caps. It was long and monotonous and in that gave some
time for contemplation and meditation.
I
took them pretty much every time I thought of it and by the handful. More
accurately, I usually ate 4 at a time and I managed to take them 3 – 4 times
a day totalling on average 12-16 capsules a day. The process took 2 weeks
to complete; for a successful termination the herbs must be taken until the end
of your menstrual cycle. I started noticing the hormonal effects
within a day or two and really felt it by the end of the first week. The
cramping kicked in pretty close to the end of the second week and then a flood
came on.
Physically, my body ached, and my
hormones felt out of control. I was crankier than a pissed off hornet, I wept
at monumentally silly things and my uterus felt like it had been doing sit ups
for weeks on end.
Because of
my first herbal termination I had stocked my arsenal of herbs with some plants
that are have proven to be more effective.
So I was able to make a tincture
of pennyroyal herb (DO NOT INGEST PENNYROYAL OIL), black cohosh, blue cohosh
and mugwort. Had I the herb on hand I would have also included tansy. When
making tinctures most herbalists suggest letting it sit in a cold dark area for
up to 6 weeks, I was concerned about time so had heated it in a glass pot (to approximately
scalding temp)and transferred the herbs and the 26 oz of vodka into a mason jar
to sit for two days in the suns warmth so the infusion was sped up. Once
complete it was strained and the dark brown liquid carried an earthy root
fragrance, and tasted bitter leaving a harsh, unpleasant taste in my
throat.
The tincture was incredibly intense and coursed
through my body in waves. On the first
day I started taking it by a tablespoon in a cup of warm water for every four
hours. I could feel the effect of the
herbs entering my womb, cradling it the promise of an imminent shedding, it was
uncomfortable and tugged on my heart. Even
my limbs were affected down to my toes and I was bathed in an eerie calm. That
night my body had gone into shock and I had an anxiety attack – my heart was
beating so fast that I was sure it would stop, I couldn’t think straight, I
couldn’t stop weeping, I was an utter wet, sloppy mess. In combination with not eating much, my sore
heart and the intensity of the herbs I believe is what had created the
environment for me to panic. Every woman is different and understands
her own body so it is important to adjust as necessary. To make myself more comfortable I had cut
down the dosage to ½ tablespoon every 4
hours and I was able to cope better while still being able to feel the
effects in my body.
This also seemed to work quicker than the capsule
version. I started taking it on 14th of July and had started
feeling the cramps on the 17th of July. They were very powerful and painful, it felt
more like contractions than menstrual cramps; they visited in waves throughout
the day and night and I was laying on a couch wrapped around a pillow for most
of it. The next day I started bleeding. The blood was thick and heavy for the first
two days and evened out to my regular cycle after that. It took 5 days in total for my cycle to stop,
I had felt empty and had taken another pregnancy test to confirm the feeling -
it had come back negative.
While
any form of termination is incredibly unpleasant, herbal or mechanical, I
have found the experiences of abortion using methods my ancestresses’ had
used was one of the most empowering things I have done as a woman and as an
herbalist; it was a
freedom that I could never have expected. Hearing stories from women and their
experiences of fear of being denied or guilt given by their family and
friends is a huge reminder that yes we have come but not nearly far enough.
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Though
using herbs was less traumatic and freeing, I also want to emphasize that they should be an addition to our access to
abortion, not a replacement. We need to re-empower ourselves, work
together with conventional practices to provide every woman with access to
support and solutions related to her reproductive health. I firmly believe that
any reason to terminate is a good reason and I will always fight for our power
of choice.